I hate being thanked by my dw. We go to dinner or the hobby store and she buys supplies or the like and I get a thank you. It is gratitude which is then followed with her realization that she doesn't earn money blah blah blah. She works harder than any two people I know and I could never afford to pay a team of workers to do what she does. I let her know that all the time. Not gratitude but true appreciation on my part. Her gratitude is followed by "I know what you NEED to make you happy". Which is a thought that festers and eventually explodes as a fight or duty sex "to give me what I NEED" so that she is doing her part. Never what she wants but only for me on the odd occasion when all the planets align. Having sex with me is so "difficult" or so disgusting that only under the most conducive conditions can it occur. I don't want her gratitude. It is dehumanizing and makes me feel like a rapist. I am trying to not look for or expect romance from her. I will have to fill that need in another way, although I have no idea how. Fishing is great, but just not the same. I can see the end and it scares the hell out of me. What if I'm wrong and ruin my life over stupidity?